Thursday, June 25, 2009

The movies is to expensive, let's watch it on my brand new 157" Plasma Projector

Sadly there is no Sykkylven Kino (kino is a cinema in Norwegian). Apparently there used to be a Kino here, but the people of Sykkylven thought it was to old, ran to poor movies or didn't compete whit their 28" CRT. So, when we now have 60"+ Plasmas I think the outlook for Sykkylven Kino is pretty grim.

There are so many movies I've wanted to see this spring. But each time I ask someone they answer one of three things:
  1. It's too expensive.
    Our closest Cinema is 50 min away at Moa near Ålesund. To get there you need to take a ferry. Gas + ferry + ticket = Roughly 200 per person.
  2. The cinema is to old and with poor image quality.
    Seams like everyone in Sykkylven is a movie connoisseur. Funny when my friend who works at Oslo Kino loves our cinema. She think it has style, class and is in a world of it's own. A bit like Gimle I believe.
  3. Nice. So you got a good rip already? Let's watch it on my 50"
    Rip is referring to a screener or something. A camera is used to record the movie in horrible quality. Not saying anything, but #2 and #3 don't quite add up.
So people in Sykkylven don't want to go to the movies because it's to expensive, poor quality and a long drive. But they will watch a poor quality screener on their 40 000 NOK TV or wait 6 months for the DVD.

Let me get one thing straight: Going to the movie is not about picture quality or sofa comfort. It's about sharing an experience with friends! Maybe I'm just a spoiled East Sider, but going to cultural things is important to me, sharing the experience more so.

Bonus: Here's a short math quiz for you. How many times can you go to the movies if not buying a 40 000 NOK TV? (Paste you answer as a comment and you might win a Movie invitation)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Give me the strength not to murder their children while they sleep - if hellspawn sleep

The rain changed into sunshine again, I'm happy to say. What I'm not so happy about is the seagulls enjoying it to. Sykkylven is full of seagulls that crap on my car. So I parked it hundred or so yards away from where the flying assholes live and though nothing more of it.

Now that the rain has stopped the seagulls seam to be bored - so they've found a new hobby: Dive bomb crapping. It's just what it sounds like.
  1. Make racket about people on ground.
  2. Fly overhead making racket.
  3. Dive towards human looking upwards at racket.
  4. Shit in your eye while making even more racket.
  5. Get all their bastard friends to join in on racket.
Someone, give me the strength not to murder the seagulls' offspring while they sleep. Remind me again why seagulls are protected wildlife?

Monday, June 22, 2009

Was God angry or Evolution Drunk when our bones were connected?

I'm a firm believer that cycling to work is good for both your health and environment. Breaking my wrist while cycling home from work has left me questioning whether or not our designers were high during the process. I have a couple of open questions:
  • How come our wrists contain 10-20 miniature bones that can't withstand impact when the normal reflex is to break a fall by putting out your arms?
  • Why is the knee a T-joint when everyday movement puts rotation on this joint?
  • Our backs are made for walking and can't cope with sitting, our knees are made for sitting and can't coupe with walking. How come?
  • The head will gain the most velocity in a fall ... why is our brain placed in the area most pruned to high velocity impacts?
  • Is it really better to have a single toe control 20% of our balance apposed to a tail?
  • Shoulders, knees, wrists and ankles damage easily. Why is there no backup system?
I'm just saying... Doesn't make much sense. I think Dr. Frankenstein was on to something with his reanimation. I wish he could reanimate my wrist a little bit.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Dating in Sykkylven - a step by step comparison with regular dating

This is a lengthy post. There are many complicated steps to the Sykkylven dating process.

Most people find dating interesting, educational and heart warming. The ones that disagree are normally disgruntled people who would nothing more than go on a date, but aren't asked because of being to grumpy. People of small towns like Sykkylven are no different. The difference is how these people from towns like Sykkylven date.

For a starting point, let's take a look at the normal dating practice I've come acquainted to while growing up in a big city:
  1. Discover person you fancy
  2. Say hello to person and:
    a. Get confirmation
    b. Get rejection
  3. Go for a picknik/stroll/ice cream/anything you can talk over to figure things out.
  4. a. Get to know each other.
    b. Discover new person.
The actions above take place over 2 days - 3 at most. Let's take the same process and apply it to Sykkylven. Before we start I want you to keep in mind that Sykkylven is composed of 7500 people. This loosely translates into 150 suitors for each person. A lot less if your gay or lesbian. Given that you would probably use some extra time on each person you meet to make the most of it.
  1. Discover person you fancy
  2. Talk to locals to get important detail about social stature, income, car, where they live, how the person dress and if he/she prefer wholegrain or white bred.
  3. Stalk person a bit if interesting attributes
  4. Ask around so to position yourself at a social event the person is likely to attend
  5. Casually ignore the person for a while at the event
Here comes a breaking point: Follow eider or a; for something lasting or b; for one night stands.
  1. a. Have a few drinks
    b. Get hammered
  2. a. Engage in small talk
    b. Throw yourself at person
  3. a. Start talking to someone else in stead
    b. Start getting black outs
  4. a. Wait for a week or so
    b. Wake up, find you clothes and leave. End of b.
Now that the casual fling bit is over we'll proceed with the real deal. Getting to know the person we sort of like but know nothing about after 6-7 weeks of hey/hello. An average step in this guide is presumed to take 2-3 days to complete. So we are now approximately at day 20:
  1. Figure out where person might be at next social event.
  2. Don't talk to person outside social events, you don't want to appear interested
  3. Skip the social event, better wait 2 weeks before seeing person again.
  4. Talk a little bit at next social event with/without alcohol involved and make vague arrangement about something within the next few weeks.
  5. Don't exchange numbers. Don't confirm dates.
  6. Play hard to get. Ignore person if contacted.
  7. Call person a slut/player (behind their back) for loosing interest/giving up.
On average this process takes 2-3 months. I'm used to the 3 days action described at the top of this post, so I usually have no idea what's going on at any time in this process. But here's a gem: most locals feels this process is just as retarded as I do. Yeah, you read that right. They think it's to slow and dumb, so they date outside of Sykkylven ... OK. Reality check. Please.

World's longest sofa, 890.25 meters, in Sykkylven, Norway

The results for the world's longes sofa attempt is in: 890.25 meters. On a rainy Sunday at noon 300 volunteers assembled what turned out to be the longest sofa in the world. The assembly took 47 minutes and was supervised by Kaoru Ishikawa from the Guinness Book of World Records.

The World's longest sofa is roughly 890.25 meters built across Sykkylven bridge which connects one side of the fjord with the other. (photo: Sofaprosjektet/
Ishikawa mad sure the 890.25 meter sofa got it's place in the Guinness Book of World Records after precise measurement by the City Councilman and the Chief of Police.

- The idea of building the world's longest sofa across Sykkylven bridge made us all smile. When it made us smile the idea was the general public probably also would. This record will stay with Sykkylven for eternity. If not: we will take the actions required to protect it - says Arve Ekornes of Ekornes.

The sofa was sold before construction, probably to locals in Sykkylven and factories. The project took one year to plan and was a joint effort by all the local furniture manufacturers to ones and for all show what Sykkylven is all about: record breaking sofas.

Seeing the record is fresh there is currently no official info from Guinness but you may a video of Ishikawa's comment or a post by national press. Ishikawa seam happy about the record, sad about the rain and confused why anyone would do this in the first place.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

World's longest sofa record - Sure beats your tiny thing

What Sykkylven does for publicity is pretty interesting. This time it's building the world's longest sofa.

This is where the sofa will sit. The bridge is about 860 meters. (foto: you've never heard of Sykkylven (Norway), chances are you have no idea Sykkylven is the furniture manufacturing capital of the world. But it's true. The main export here is furniture - some 20 billion NOK worth (that's just a made up figure, I have no clue. Ekornes exported some 2 billion NOK worth in 2008 though).

So how does Sykkylven plan to claim its fame? By producing the world's longest sofa - A 860 meter long Sofa. (Sykkylven actually acquired this record back in 2008 with a 62 meter sofa but apparently lost it to Poland).'s refection on the last record was about why people even bother. I think this is fantastic. Not only does Sykkylven plan to make the world's longest sofa, but also annihilate the previous record by 10 folds. That's one huge sofa. Can't wait to stretch out in it this Sunday.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Driving in Sykkylven - A Death Race ... of Aging

Every now and again I get in a discussion about driving in Oslo with the locals in Sykkylven. Oslo has a few cars more than Sykkylven; in fact Oslo has 150 000 more cars than Møre & Romsdal altogether.

The argument usually goes like this:
  • Person A: You won’t believe what happened the other day on the road...
  • Person B: Well, at least it's not as bad as Oslo...
  • Person A: Yeah, Oslo is awful. The other day I got lost in a tunnel and...
  • Person B: That’s what I mean. In Oslo you can’t even stop in the middle of the road to read a map.
  • Me: Isn't it better to use public transportation if you don't know where you’re going?
  • A and B: Don't be silly. We've tried taking the buss in Sykkylven many times, driving is easier.
  • Me: OK. Then you need to figure out where you’re going and be more decisive.
  • A or B: Oh no. Those city slickers need to calm down.

I, being a city slicker, am perplexed. When I drive in Sykkylven I get get really frustrated. When there is a 20 meter gap at the intersection, I get on. If I drive through a roundabout I stay in (what I presume is) the correct lane. In Sykkylven the standard is pretty much to wait until there is a mile of clear road in every direction and to stay centered in all roundabouts and cross sections. And of course: Not using your blinker - that would strain the light bulb.

Makes for fun when you're going right to reach the ferry and the guy in front of you is going left. True to word he will be blocking both entrance lanes and waiting for traffic to clear for a mile in each direction before moving on. I've switched to a bike...

Friday, June 5, 2009

Folven Camping's Management is to Lazy to Care

A couple of years ago I got hooked on going Stryn for summer skiing at Stryn Summer Ski resort and decided to get at trailer so I could be a bum the entire summer. I called around and find a gem of a wagon: A Swift Corvette. Think about that for a second: A Corvette trailer...

Before buying the corvette I contact Folven Camping about accommodations. The very friendly manager told me a spot for next season was a sure thing. So I bought the trailer and gave it a coat of paint.

As soon as the sow melted I sent a couple of e-mails to Folven Camping asking when I could drop by. No reply. This is what happens:
  • March. I send an email. No reply.
  • April. I call up and am told to wait over eater.
  • April. Management will be at Folven after May 1st.
  • Middle of May. Folven needs to check the lot for winder damage (I have no idea how winter damages a grass field).
  • Late may. Management needs to check their books.
  • End of May. Management will call me over the weekend about a final answer.
  • June. Suspicious of Folvens Customer Relation Management...
Three days ago I sent a mail stating my business and that I live 2 hoers away and will drop by in person if that's what it takes. The reply? "We have a vacant spot. Get here fast or it'll go to somebody else".

Am I the only one seeing the irony in Folven Camping telling me to hurry up? Suppose I should be lucky I just got spot. Although. Shape up. Seriously.

Folven here I come!

Update: I managed to get my trailer up and running with only minor Folven related issues. more.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Skate or die - Sykkylven builds a skate park

Never did make it to the boat festival so can't report much on that. However I did get an awesome visit from Ørsta! While we were walking past Aure Ungdomskole (a High School in Sykkylven) I noticed a bunch of people building stuff.

Later on when my visitor had left for the ferry I went back to investigate. Turns out we are getting a skate park in Sykkylven. Pretty awesome stuff. Being a Tony Hawk super veteran I'm pretty stoked.

The park is being built by some local old-school skaters I know with funding from the local government. They granted 50 000 NOK to the skaters building the park. In my mind that's way more useful than the 1 million NOK donated to build the church's tool shed. To bad skating is not a mainstream religion.